Monday, January 26, 2009

The Happiest Snail

From Zilnic

illustration by Alina Spatariu

“This world has turned into a machine. Driven by consumerism and engulfed in constant competition, people became mean, always so shady and afraid, watching their back, greedy, insensitive, aggressive, indifferent, killing the very planet they live on. “

Such a lousy speech, he thought… I’m not greedy, I’m not aggressive even if I look like a punk, I’m sensitive enough to charm a delicate girl, I care for the planet and actually distinguish the facts from the demagogies and I love competition. Is what gave birth to each of us – at least once in your life you were the best, the fastest of them all.
His mind was already stretched. He felt he was shot trough a hose whose ending was jerking ahead of him by the power of his desires and his mind was trying to catch up dragging all his muscles and frustrations mixing all the hormones and the concerns into units: seconds, meters, friction coefficients, etc. Tom Garuda was riding at 218 km/h knowing he will be too late anyway. Much too late. The road ahead of him was bending completely aware of all his limits.
At the destination the snail has just finished having a delicious portion of warm milk. The cow was in a good mood – she made the treat – they were chatting for two hours or so. That’s very quick for the snail and quite long for the cow. She always enjoys chilled out conversation – the snail is always chilled - not to mention he doesn’t drink too much – it was a nice afternoon. In his twisted world, the snail was talking science – what a charmer. The wind blew him the other day and he realized that speed is the true portal to another world.
“Why bother like all the other snails to find the escape gate in the infinity of the spiral that makes us? The sensation of speed is so unreal I had the feeling I could see the fundamental particle”, said the little fellow.
"Fundamentals are so beautiful. Touch one and you'll feel like climbing the hill of a virgin's breast while she sleeps in a summer day in the barn"
“Just dare the road, watch the big wheels spinning, think about the forces in place or imagine you’re born as one of the cars. Get close, feel that speed. I’m sure the sensation will split your world in two. With enough speed you can split the atoms. Physics as we know them are able to shift their laws at super speeds. We’re just stupid and ignorant of the possibilities around us.”
For such a wild speech the cow blushed and out of control gave the snail a hot milk bath. Snails are always crazy yet this specific little brat had something truly electric going between his eyes.
“Dude, if you’d be the most delicious grass, the most flavored flower, I would refrain myself from eating you, for this words.” said the cow as she was pushed out.
They said good bye and hoped for another encounter. With snails all the plans are always based on... hope.
Annabella Sue was releasing the cow earlier today. Worried and happy in the same time, she was doing everything with a lost look, picturing him on the road – riding that bike like crazy.
Once she was hoping for a way to remove her thoughts out of her brain. Now his memories were invading her, mixing all her hormones and frustration into a memory cinema, the purest form of female pleasure. The best scene was playing in repeat, keeping audience all her cells addicted to a memory while only a small part of herself was in charge with living the present.
Holding her in the tall grass where they just made love he was babbling for himself with the coolest tobacco voice.
“We’re far… far like the concept of protons for the strings. I should take you to a strings concert – you’d rebuild your skin on chills. You see… “us” it’s just a matter of speed…and there’s always more speed than I ever had the guts and the chance to reach. Seconds and meters – both so fixed and stubborn – in love like you and me. There is nothing hotter than love between theorems. What a challenge, eh? It’s how my engine works, explosion after explosion, energy fucking other energy, converting to power, torque, giving birth to meters per second… and me ... floating above them… developing feelings like lost kids recognizing their parents. There is nothing love can’t conquer: It’s physics. It's how your heart works, in perfect synchrony with mine - explosion after explosion - boom, boom - like a 2 cylinder beast…”
For such a wild speech, Anabella blushed and out of control gave Tom a shower of happy tears. Cleaning up the entire house she reaches the stairway to the mansard. From up there she will be able to see further. Under a dusty pair of purple velvet gloves she found her old coloring book and the scissors she loved so much when she was little. Time stopped – cutting paper with those scissors felt just the same – each millimeter, the sound , the feel of it, the heavy paper splitting in two, it was like the weight on her heart, splitting feelings with an immediate purpose and duty, the pressure of an accomplishment. Her childhood came back wearing magic purple velvet gloves.
After cutting a full page of the coloring book in slow motion speed, she looked at the permanent track the cut made, and suddenly her eyes searched the road outside. Empty.
Without thinking too much she cut the curtains with a single gesture. Like this she will be able to see him coming from further away. Over the hills, she could hear a car passing on the curved road. Before coming out of the woods, she would try to guess the brand and the engine of the vehicle. It passed fast. As the sandy beaches think of the sea, she was considering each car, a lover, yelling in her mind: The next one will satisfy me, the next one… please…
Her hand down her thick wool pants she was waiting for the next car to get closer – the Land Cruiser, v6 diesel almost made her cum but she denied herself the true pleasure. She will keep it for Tom Garuda who was speeding now like crazy on a modified Hayabusa on the serpent roads, coming to see her.
4 cars later her pants were down to her knees. She lays on her back on a dusty old desk that feels so cold and so good on her hot skin the chills on her skin multiplied to the extent all the spiders in the room freaked out. I mean... really freaked out. The dust sticks to her moist skin without a sound. She imagined a metal man with a turbo engine in his chest, sitting on top of her, puffing flames and vibrating like a beast, roaring under his incandescent skin.
With the same mad look she picks up the scissors and somehow, in a gesture of denying a self approach she starts to cut her pubic hair. It was an old and rusty pair of scissors making more of a mess to the puzzled look of now the stunned spiders gathered right above for a better look. Following the mess she spots our snail hanging on her leather boots. The little one managed to hitch an extreme ride out of the sables. The ride ahead of him was going to be even more important.
She decided: The snail will be her hourglass. Caressing its spiral she is falling in the hole our dreams are digging in the visuals right above the tip of our noses when the eyes are open and the brains are gone. Coming back to senses she’s putting the snail between her legs, facing her. She will wait until the snail will reach her hottest point and if by that time Tom Garuda will not be at the door or showing up on the road ahead over the hills, then his love will not conquer anything. His love will not be enough for them.

From Zilnic
Afro snail by Alina Spatariu & Me

Now, if I remember correctly, the first snail on the moon left such a trail that was visible from the splendid gardens of Mars. Our snail was ready for the same destiny. There was no predicable outcome to such an endeavor – God was watching with great interest – and in such He stop painting “The most beautiful parrot” which remained forever unfinished.
While violated by the snail her time shifted and in a spiraling sequence, her thoughts produced images ready to echo within her brain and her heart, like a kaleidoscope. It seemed the snail was moving so slow it gave her an odd sensation. She had the feeling, our snail become longer and longer and transformed into a snake. A guilty feeling of cheating her true love with this “Naga”, split her world in two like the other snake split the gardens of Eden.
She started to wonder if Garuda was coming for her or just for the ride and the challenge, the thrill of speed. She detests being just a pretext. Has she taken the cow out of the stable? Yeah... she did a long while ago… and the cow hasn’t return yet. And the guy with the Land Cruiser… if he knew how he was so close to make her happy… wait… if she was happy with just a random Toyota crossing on the road in front of her mountain hut, was she really in love with Tom Garuda?
In the same time the road was moving like a serpent, soon to change into a viper. This swing was hypnotic – it can keep you there like a dancing flame can keep your eyes stuck to its moves. He was overwhelmed by images and he knew that he needs all his focus on the road to survive. But since synchronization was invented in his heart, his mind was in echo. Was he in love? Will he lose his freedom? Will he give up his thrills for her? He was too proud for that. If so… why was it that in the tunnel of speed he could almost see her breasts?
The cow was sitting next to the road for more than an hour – that is long even for a cow – she was clearly afraid – but if the snail was right, how could she just ignore such a big thing? If the snail managed a ride, a taste of true speed and his physical world suffered such a vision, she would not just stay there wondering and thinking how life goes by without her.
She makes the step and filled with fear she stops in the middle of the road, like a cow, computing all the mathematics and wondering how another dimension can feel, thinking how speed can really split the atoms.
The snail was at such a point that she could barely take it anymore. It knew where it was. After climbing so high just by melting himself over this ground, over the fine smell of a woman, over the greatest snail ever, it was time for him to open his eyes and really see the giant beauty that he conquered so fast.
It became unbearable. After standing still for so long, the snail was almost there, not sure exactly where as she couldn’t understand her senses anymore, but it was driving her out of her limits – and now... the small bastard was popping his eyes out – what a perv.
Her hourglass was done - the snail was up – meaning Tom Garuda was “not enough in love” with her. Somehow this thought was fighting the sensations between her legs – everything felt like the most unreasonable pleasurable pain. She’s lost... she needs and exit.
With a precise gesture she takes the scissors, waits just a bit more looking at her vagina and the snail coming his eyes out and just as a slow-motion sequence resumes with a very fast cut, she scissors the eyes of the snail, one by one.
“That’s for not loving me” she said after letting her body back over the dusty desk. She came.
The cow hears a distant engine sound, incredibly furious and in the same time she gathers the courage to open her eyes. It was already so dark. There was no light… just the sound…
“In the tunnel of speed why do I see her breasts?” echoes in his head as he was taking a steep turn – one knee down – just like on the races.
A sudden image of a cow in the middle of the road was the last effort his brain managed to perform. In the tunnel of speed there was a small error. He will be too late, way too late.
In the morning everyone received the news that a man split a cow in two, riding his bike at great speed. Tom Garuda was of course dead in the process.
Surrounded by darkness the snail had the craziest awakening – never to sleep away from it. Without his eyes, the doubt was gone. Nobody heard him saying anything after that – but we know that’s just because his stories were passing in front of his eyes too fast for him to manage to tell us anything. His consciousness was flashed down his spiral. In the mist of the total black he understood the blockade placed by the distance between his eyes. Free of reality the snail received the truth, released his spirit like a true Naga and become a God. He was happy, as Gods are every Monday.

Friday, January 16, 2009


Life is so smart in proving you stupid, the universe is slick and stacks the unpredictable just like it hides beauty in the sound of a waterfall. Your brain hangs to old sayings, looking for the safe way out but today you are the exception and the infinity of your ego is nullified by the infinity of failure methods.
You see, in the beginning I believed with all my heart, strongly, mind attached that the moment you will see your true love, you will know… just know. That was the beginning… just so I know now, that I was sorted by fate to the coldest soul ever.
In front of a mirror people are fake, projecting fantasies, reading their ideal version of ego on steroids. The ego is getting high on the self reflection. The soul is getting frozen by the perspective your brain is painting each day.

Do you know that personality is painted in you cells? I learned to read that and I can't tell you how gray the world has turned for me. The worst of fates - I have become a cold mirror - not the image in it - I can't be charmed anymore.
I remember the beginning, when teleportation was just announced, the fuss it created, the enthusiasm, the moral debates, the investors rush.
I went to study and did my practice in the first teleport station – the experimental one – even before major cities get one. Investors pushed strong and we were left to deal with this mess hoping that the future will fix our mistakes – but future never fixes misconceptions.
The first major station was so nice and shiny – humans only – age limit 21-35 – San Francisco (Silicon Valley) – Tokyo. They were freezing you so slow, the scanning of your body was quite primitive and searching the unified field for the same version of you in the other station could take so much that sometimes it was faster to take the plane from a place to the other and get there faster.

Rich people installed terminals in their houses. Soon people were more afraid to teleport than flying – after the first malformations things got scandalous. Now there are stations everywhere. The one killing my days is now so old and creepy – looks just like an old rural train station - the thing I hated the most when I joined the teleport business. It's sad when the edge of technology - so advanced it humiliates all minds - turns into the dusty casual thing everyone uses without even thinking how it works or why.
Now it's all a disgusting adventure. Except for the regular travelers people get so sick that almost everyone pukes as they exit the capsule. In the animals area the smell is even stronger.
We have 24 cleaning robots that got so full of puke I don’t think the smell will ever disappear. The arriving platform is like a haunted hospital – everyone is so pale, the floor tiles are now losing color and the steam from the freezing unit looks green from the ionized Magnesium particles.
First time travelers stop and look in the mirrors placed on the exit hallway for minutes long. Dressed in their single use blue shirts we put them as they exit, they have the feeling they see themselves for the first time – they do check to see if what they knew they were at departure, has arrived on this side identical. Let me tell you one thing – no sex revolution changed a damned thing. When confronted to the undressing moment for freezing and scanning everyone hesitates. I remember when only people with a good impression of their bodies were willing to be scanned, oh, I’ve seen some beauties. Not to mention – there is no make-up – the smell of fresh clean skin… I remember I wanted to stay in the cleaning chamber after a beauty was processed – I know… I’m a pervert.
People came to me in secret to recommend them a good partner.
“Hey man… do you know a natural blonde with big real boobs?”
“Hey dude, I was just thinking, I mean... you scanned me, you know me already… eh – what kind of women should I look for? “
“Uh.. I’m sorry to ask, but I’ve been so lonely, nice guys are all taken… I’m sure you’ve seen some kind people, with no big dreams, someone for a nice family… I’m getting so old, please…”

I could do it… I could, but I decided I don’t have this right. Even if I can read a person trough the smallest details, even if my opinion as a true observer is more qualified than of any cupid, I only look to what happened to me to realize that fate is stronger, smarter and I shouldn’t mess with pairing peoples, with the chances of their own destiny, with fate.
So here I am, scanning humans the same way you look at people passing next to you while you have your coffee on a terrace with a nice view. You spot a beauty, she looks back at you, eye contact, a smile and you ego is served – you exist. Some people don’t need more. It was everything I was looking for when I was a student.
I wanted people to acknowledge me. Soon I was searching only for special people’s look.
The more I scan, the more I know, the more I want something special. Isn’t it the same with you?
That rich beautiful lady with the small dog... out of your league you say – she gets to my POD, I’m scanning and her true existence is suddenly clear for me. I see her needs, her desires, her fears and she is so similar to everyone, suddenly she seems so small, I could just take her hand and tell her: "No more fear, no harm will happen to you, the unified field has both of us blended already. Everything will be all right."
For years I told myself – what will I do If I see her? My true love… naked and scanned before my eyes. Should I save the data? I could try few days or minutes after the teleport to send the data again to where I want – a romantic place, my home or to the lab, telling her it was a malfunction and we retain her for investigation… or better scan myself and send myslef to the same address. I wanted to try this… something only I could do – stream myself in her. I could mix the data of her and me and see what comes out in the other side.
The unified been of two. It should be like…
- Good morning Mr. Alzhei
- ‘morning Dave.
Mr. Alzhei is a regular. His company pays for it and he is traveling more that it’s legally accepted. He has a bad situation, needs the money for his malformed daughter – teleport accident. Now he is teleporting himself sometimes twice per day and for that he’s getting a lot of pills. Severe depression and anxiety and this kind of things are the side effects.

Anyway... it's all an illusion. Two months ago the miracle happened - as any miracle fast and beyond comprehension. Did you know that miracles are things so common everyone will believe you if you’d tell them?
I was driving my car slowly on a crowded street when I saw her. One girl, simple shoes, dark hair, busy look, I don’t even know how or what caught my eye... she crossed the street in front of my car. My foot touched the break… a reflex I still question today. Without any scanner, I knew it was her, the one, it felt like I see my current wife while I never had one. Something was so out of place – I always feel an attraction in the scanning room for girls that are like the aquarium fish – blondes, red heads, more aggressive, untouchable… you know? She was in a hurry, didn't even look me... she just crossed the street, looking only on how not to get killed by the likes of me, with no glitter, she walked painting a pastel to me.
Before I could even think what I should do, the traffic pushed me further and with each meter I was moving away from that moment, the feeling that I was running away from my only chance wanted to choke me. But each day of job made me so resigned that I just moved over this moment with the same placid face I see myself in the mirror each morning. Probably my feeling chocked someone else that day.

That night I dreamed I was in a bar and I could see above the heads of each person the percentage of perfect matching. At the end of the dancing floor a great looking girl was only 15%, the lady that seemed to in love with her boy was around 73%. Something told me that they were a bad match.
The door opens and this short hair red head waits for the crowd to bow and let her pass. She had 99.9% above her head. I couldn't do a thing. Part of me was trying to act cool and not to stare, other was amazed and excited and just in panic – “what should I do to be noticed?” my ego was yelling so hard the barman seemed to throw me a mean look for disturbing the whole place. She came straight to me. We started talking and soon we were not in the bar anymore... we were in... somehow… our house. I told her I had this power of seeing the matching percentage and how she is so perfect... she told me she had a secret too. Places her hand between my legs and I feel I’m growing. She has the power to model humans just like they are made of clay. Touching me... we make love, and where she is touching she is changing my shapes. All is blurry and so amazing, my shapes are shifting on and on... I had the feeling I could become whoever I ever wanted despite my fate, I could choose my soul, I could be perfect and have the most amazing girl in the world. Somehow time was running out, like the night was about to come, I want to hold her, keep her…
I wake up... it is morning. I go to the bath and I don’t recognize my image in the mirror.