Friday, September 04, 2009
The spring room.
Darwing made for UNICA magazine. Model:Lavinia Sima (MRA). Clothes by Raluca Damian.
It was a strange house... somehow everyone was there if she would put her mind to it. She knew that if she wanted to see anyone, especially any of her friends, she will just make that person be in one of those rooms... all she needed was to really look. She felt good having friends, close to her.
But she wasn't looking to see anyone right now ... she was at peace just knowing they were all there. She moved to the next door, she knew that the next room will be empty and the next one too, arranging themselves for her in a strange way, since she felt good being alone right now.
The rooms were big and empty, with great walls, some paintings here and there... art... that she never took too much interest in, and now she was sort of looking since the light was coming in abundantly from the wall full of big windows, making the big paintings seem... important.
She stopped in this huge room, for no reason. The light was nice, in was quiet and the spring outside was making its way into this cold house. Dust was dancing in the light, she watched that, and when she was about to leave, a huge sliding door captured her eye. It was a nice dressing. It felt private. It was one of the biggest she has ever seen, yet the clothes seemed crowded inside. She didn't wanted to intrude, feeling like it was not her place, but before closing the door back, she indulged herself, as she was doing in her shopping days, to let her hand touch the hanged clothes, feeling the materials. She loved clothes so much... shopping too.
And right there, her mind locked into a simple blouse. How magic... it was exactly like her first favorite piece of clothing from high school. Nothing special about it, not too elegant, a simple blouse that was making her newly grown breast visible for the first time. The past flooded her with a rush of memories. She wasn't seing.. she was actualy remembering how it felt when she got it, when she wore it the first time, a bit embarrassed yet loving how everyone was discovering her... at last. Oh, how it made her feel more like a woman than a child, and she had this blouse at the start of that summer romance, the love of her school days. Suddenly she felt the hands of her lover going under that blouse, her right hand made a jerking move like she was fighting his hand and loving to fight his hand... she was surprised to see her hand moving and she stopped.
That was freaky, but a beautiful memory. A big smile covered her face and she let her hand move over, leaving the blouse behind with a certain melancholy. But the next piece on the hanger was another cloth she used to have. She couldn't believe it... it was one that she totally forgot about. She was already proposed and she has given her "yes" for few weeks already, her wedding was in only 2 months and she was shopping frenetically, trying this very dress when this young man came and complimented her. A small bird started to fly within her heart at that moment and while the world was at her feet and her future was calling, she felt caged that day. She spent the whole day with him, he bought her the dress, he made her feel so young and free. That man, she had to let go, too soon and too abruptly . It was her lover until the wedding day, she only told him afterwards, she didn't had the heart to face him, she wore that dress in on her wedding day, to clean her heart. Ah, and there it was, the jacket she had when she ran away. Synthetic leather, light green, with small purple lines. She hated that jacket as it was the only thing she managed to take with her. She reached the left pocket... and a crumbled pack of cigaretes, and a stack of papers with phone numbers... oh my God.. still there... and the notice from that motel, and the letter from her daughter, asking mommy why she doesn't love her anymore.
Something was too strange... she remembered that soon after that day... she burned the jacket, on a back alley, in a remote town.
Something was off. The rest of the clothes were covered with a light material.. that seemed like snake skin, white, dead snake skin. She opened another door to bring more light into the dressing... ripping the snake skin she found a pack of clothes that never belonged to her. Beautiful clothes, she wondered who they were belonging to. And than it came to her as she remembered one of them, and soon the rest... clothes she bought, she loved, but never got to wear them... she sold some of them on the internet back in her days. She tried to touch one but while it looked like blue velvet, it felt made of snake skin too. Somehow everything was turning into a a huge dead snake skin. It moved dammit! Umm.. no.. it was only her imagination.
She moved on, opening more doors from this dressing that seemed to come all the way around the room, and the snake was there, engulfing all this clothes, and she was uncovering it from tail to head. As she was walking around the room, opening doors, it seemed that the head was going to be where the tail was ending, if not, like that classic statue, this snake was also eating his tail: Ouroboros. There were few more doors to be opened.
Somehow the windows have moved and she was inside this circle, all her live on the hanger, protected by snake skin.
She stopped, wondering what kind of head this snake was having. She had to peak but she was afraid to open the rest of the doors.
She looked inside from the one she was standing to... and .. yes... some light was comming in from the other open doors and... yes... that snake was no ordinary one.
It seemed to have a human head... it felt it was hers.... but now she was way to scared to see.
They say, one who save his soul shall lose it. She never tried to save her soul too much, she was never into soul saving business, but she knew that if she had to face her snake, she will die. And just like the days when she was out shopping and she had no money, when she decided something was too expensive and she had to leave the store without getting that beautiful cloth, convincing herself that .. it was not worthy, convincing herself she doesn't want it, she doesn't need it... just like that, she left the room, looking for a next one, like she was always looking for a next shop.
Somehow, the whole house was empty now... she was sure of it... she'll find no one, no matter how hard she'd try.